"Go Time" (ALMOST)

So, in less than 48 hours James and I will be on a plane to Ethiopia (via Rome, Italy). There are about a million things I should be doing right now. But when there are lots of things I need to be doing, more often than not, I find "other" things to do. I hem curtains. I rake leaves. I watch a movie. I make new blog entries. :) I don't know what's wrong with me.

More than anything, I want to try to capture at least a piece of the emotions I am experiencing right now. So many people have said to me lately, "Wow. Time really FLEW. This adoption thing was FAST!" I, on the hand, have had a quite different experience than that. Still, it is shocking to me that the process we have been so focused on, for so long, is drawing to an end. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that, one week from today, I will have held my newest son for the first time. He will have looked into my eyes, and I will have looked into his. And we will be a family.

I have been looking forward to this for so long. From the moment we sat across from two America World employees in Findlay, Ohio (days after burying our son) and began to wonder if this was really a possibility for our family. And here we are, suitcases "mostly" packed, tickets purchased, and me about to take my first real "big girl" international trip. Buckle your seat belt Kelly.

In the spirit of honesty and transparency, I have to admit there is a good deal of anxiety floating around inside of me right now. Most of it, I suppose, reflects on my insecurities in general. There is a part of me that is genuinely nervous that Phin won't like me. Won't want me. I am trying to prepare my heart for that moment, that long anticipated moment when we finally meet. I am trying to remember, that I am a stranger to this child. And I will be trying to take him away from a nanny he loves. That being said . . . nobody wants their kid to cry when they reach for them. =) I am trying my very best to have realistic expectations and to in no way "set myself up" for feeling like a failure.

I am certain, though, that God's hand has been in this entire process. He stirred the desire to adopt in our hearts. He chose Ethiopia for us (even though we thought Rwanda was where we were headed). He provided every dollar along every step of the way (through the faithfulness of many of you). And he had his hand on Phin's life and chose him for our family before one of his days came to be.

So, more than anything else, I am feeling so incredibly grateful and humbled. Thank you God, and Here. We. GO!

It is October 18th again.

Seven years ago I delivered my first born. A son. Elijah Mark.

He never took a breath.

I spent the entire day today thinking that it was October 17th, and that I needed to prepare for tomorrow (as it is notoriously a bad day). My mother called a little bit ago to ask how I had handled the day. "What do you mean?", I asked. "Today's the 17th". "Ummm, nooooo, today's the 18th"... she said.

What kind of mother am I anyway? The birth of my first born was unmentioned and unnoticed today by all, except my mother. Even I somehow missed it.

Maybe I shouldn't feel guilty about that. Maybe that's part of moving on. I'm not sure. But there are parts of me that haven't moved on. I will never again be who I was before Elijah and Jeremiah.

WE HAVE A COURT DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BAAAHHH!!!

After much waiting, anticipation and many tears- we finally have a court date- November 4th!

The travel coordinator, Kristen, called me this morning while I was on a walk with the kiddos on the Kokosing Gap Trail. We were a half mile in when we got the call! Needless to say, I couldn't get outta there fast enough. There were a million people to call and plane tickets to book!

Right now- this is what we know. Our court date is on Thursday, November 4th (which also happens to be my father in law's birthday). We need to arrive in Ethiopia no later than the evening of Monday, November 1st, in order to have 2 full days with Phin prior to our court appointment. We are free to leave (without Phin- woe is me) that same evening .

If all goes well and we pass court, we can expect our embassy appt to be scheduled for anywhere between 4-10 wks later. We're praying for 4!!!! We would, of course, love to travel and be back WELL before the Christmas holiday. But what an amazing Christmas present!!! Our son WILL BE HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! ACK!!!!!!!!!

It's amazing to me that I have spent the better part of the last 3 months twiddling my thumbs and counting down the days until court opened. Now, I am in a million directions all at once! So much to do. So much to plan. One thing I know for sure . . ,

WE'RE COMIN' PHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey Mount Vernon peeps!!! WNZR is hosting the Veggie Tales movie, "It's a Meaningful Life" this Saturday at 6pm in the RR Hodges Chapel. The story features Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter, Stevie Joy, as the adopted daughter of the main character. WNZR has invited our family as guests! We will be sharing our adoption story and will have a table set up for you to order our Show Hope shirts.

To see the trailer for the movie and the music video for Steven Curtis Chapman's song, "Meant to Be" which is featured in the movie, follow this link:
http://www.mvnu.edu/wnzr/home/banners/itsameaningful.php

Hope to see you all there tomorrow!
Thanks WNZR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today the Ethiopian court issued it's first batch of court dates since re-opening on Sep 28th. As the second in line with a referral and waiting on a court date, I had fully expected to be a part of the first group. It wasn't to be.

After many excited texts from my adoption buddies who had received their court date call today, I began to wonder why my phone wasn't ringing. Finally, around 2pm, I called the travel coordinator to double check. "Unfortunately, we do not have a court date for your family at this time."

Apparently, the court is pretty random and jumps all over when assigning court dates. They don't necessarily go "in order". So, as of right now, we are not travelling with the first group for the October 29th court date. They said they anticipate the next group of court dates to be in either early or mid November.

This is a blow, to say the least. I had thought it would only be a couple more weeks until we held our son for the first time. Now it appears it will at least be a month. I am heartbroken and confused. I know it may only end up being a difference of a couple of weeks, but it still seems like a slap in the face somehow. I can't seem to make sense of why God would want to keep us from our son longer. My heart is extra heavy today and I have cried all the tears I am able. Praying for some type of understanding or peace tonight.