"Go Time" (ALMOST)

So, in less than 48 hours James and I will be on a plane to Ethiopia (via Rome, Italy). There are about a million things I should be doing right now. But when there are lots of things I need to be doing, more often than not, I find "other" things to do. I hem curtains. I rake leaves. I watch a movie. I make new blog entries. :) I don't know what's wrong with me.

More than anything, I want to try to capture at least a piece of the emotions I am experiencing right now. So many people have said to me lately, "Wow. Time really FLEW. This adoption thing was FAST!" I, on the hand, have had a quite different experience than that. Still, it is shocking to me that the process we have been so focused on, for so long, is drawing to an end. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that, one week from today, I will have held my newest son for the first time. He will have looked into my eyes, and I will have looked into his. And we will be a family.

I have been looking forward to this for so long. From the moment we sat across from two America World employees in Findlay, Ohio (days after burying our son) and began to wonder if this was really a possibility for our family. And here we are, suitcases "mostly" packed, tickets purchased, and me about to take my first real "big girl" international trip. Buckle your seat belt Kelly.

In the spirit of honesty and transparency, I have to admit there is a good deal of anxiety floating around inside of me right now. Most of it, I suppose, reflects on my insecurities in general. There is a part of me that is genuinely nervous that Phin won't like me. Won't want me. I am trying to prepare my heart for that moment, that long anticipated moment when we finally meet. I am trying to remember, that I am a stranger to this child. And I will be trying to take him away from a nanny he loves. That being said . . . nobody wants their kid to cry when they reach for them. =) I am trying my very best to have realistic expectations and to in no way "set myself up" for feeling like a failure.

I am certain, though, that God's hand has been in this entire process. He stirred the desire to adopt in our hearts. He chose Ethiopia for us (even though we thought Rwanda was where we were headed). He provided every dollar along every step of the way (through the faithfulness of many of you). And he had his hand on Phin's life and chose him for our family before one of his days came to be.

So, more than anything else, I am feeling so incredibly grateful and humbled. Thank you God, and Here. We. GO!